No offense, Ottawa, but you were a little too clean. A little too organized.

You kind of speak French and you’re across the river from Québec, but you don’t have a single ounce gram of European swagger.

Your public transportation is so efficient you can’t even muster up a real traffic jam. Oh, and you don’t even have un Metro, just dorky ultra modern red buses.

Sorry, Ottawa. But you’re kind of a downer.